Posts Tagged ‘moving on’

I have not written for a few days. Things around here are pretty hectic. I’ve tried to pack but don’t even know where to start.

It is official. I officially have an appartment and I am moving in 4 days. Things have all happened fast but it’s for the best. I feel this sense of relief to know that things are changing. Things were so tense and awful here and thinking of the new place gives me some peace.

Me and D. have decided to still see each other. We just think that living together is impossible for now. We raise our children very differently. And both of us are too stubborn to budge. For the first couple of weeks it will pretty much be just the two of us seeing each other. After that, we will see. We hope to still be able to do some activities with the children but not spend all our time together.

I feel relieved to be rid of all the tension and mostly of TOXIC BIO MOM! I will not have to live my life in fear of what she is going to pull next. I will also not have to deal with the tension with my stepson. I hope to develop a relationship with him where I appreaciate him when I see him and appreciate that he is different. He and my daughter get along great so that won’t be too much trouble.

We will also be living on the same street, which will make it easy to see each other. But we will each go back to our places and live our routine life the way we want. I have realised that I like to be in control of my life and I freak out when I’m not controlling. I will try and work on that but at the same time, it will make it easier for me to take baby steps in letting go… not have to change completely right away.

D. has also realised some stuff. He knows he is very independant. He lives in his own world and bubble and he knows that makes it difficult to build a family on that. By not living together, it may help. When he will spend time with us, he will be with us for real and he can be as independant as he wants the rest of the time.

I’m turning a page, starting blank. I have no idea if this will all work out but I do have this strong sense that it is for the best. I can’t wait to start living, for real and not just live in the daily conflict. It took so much energy out of me that I had non for anything else. I want to find myself again. Find pleasure in daily life. For once in my life, I don’t even want to think about the future. Well, I don’t mean at all, I do have a pension plan and everything But I am not living my life waiting for some better future to show up. I want to enjoy life today!

My stepfamily adventures are over and they are not. It’s just going to be a little different. We will be a couple with kids. We will be part-time step something… not parents, not family… I just don’t know how to call it. But it will be that and it WILL BE OK