Posts Tagged ‘jealousy’

I almost ruined my own day yesterday. Yep, me, no one else. Although it was initially other people I was mad at. I was hurt because D. forgot to tell me about something he had next week. Sounds stupid to get hurt over that, but he often forgets to tell me about stuff like that and it makes me feel left out. But my reaction was WAY over the top. I got mad. I turned this hurt, this feeling of being left out and not being important into pure anger, seeking revenge. This is a part of me I DO NOT LIKE!

As I took a walk this morning, I listened to this podcast about happiness and it talked about having two kinds of emotions: one out of love and one out of fear. All the emotions we control by trying to understand others and ourselves are out of love. We control our emotions and do not let them take over out of fear. All others, like jealousy, seeking revenge etc. are out of fear. Out of fear that we are not enough, out of fear that we have something to prove to the world.

I am getting better at controlling my emotions and not letting them take over, but I’m far from perfect. Yesterday, I was far from controlling my emotions. They were controlling me. And all it did was affect ME. Yeah it was not fun for the other people around me, of course. But I almost ruined MY day by letting my emotions control me.

I don’t like when D. forgets to tell me about things. It does hurt me. It does make me feel left out. And I am right to tell him so and he should be careful with that. But I cannot control what he does. I cannot control anything but my emotions. So, I’ll keep working on this. Working on controlling my emotions, which in turn, will control my reactions.

Read more at: http://thestepmomstoolbox.com/a-day-in-the-life-of/

Right now, my hamster is spinning on what it means to be the one and if I am it. Are we destined to be with one person that will fulfill our lives? If we have met that person, can we love again. I know that I have never loved anyone as much as I love my boyfriend. It is a real relationship. On that is built on trust, dialogue and I feel like we are respectful of each other. Is it the same for him though? It makes me freak out to think that I might not be the one for him.

Does he spend time thinking of how life would have been with his ex or another ex? Does he regret the fact that his relationships from the past have ended? I sure don’t!!! No one has ever treated me as good as he treats me. No one has made me want to be a better person the way he does every single day. Why all these questions about his reasons then? Because I feel insecure right now. It’s impossible for me to imagine my life without him. This is a relationship. This is how love should be… so what if it’s not the same for him?