Next step in trying to be a better, happier person is to let go of the guilt. Too often we confuse guilt with caring for others. If I start to let others deal with their feelings and not feel guilty, will it make me an egocentric person who care about no one else than herself, NO! There are just some instances where feeling guilty is just stupid.

Take this example. Last week, I took my mother in law to the doctors. Her throat hurt and she wanted to see about getting antibiotics. She did not want to wait for hours at the free clinic and asked me if I could find a private doctor for her. I did. I did not know the doctor, I simply google private doctors in my area and called a few. Only one was available that same day. She went and forked over 150$ for the consultation. He told her that it was probably a virus and would clear out on its own. She was a bit dissapointed and came back home with me without a prescription. She came by yesterday and said she had to fork over another 150$ with another doctor to finally get a prescription for antibiotics and now felt much better. Well, guess what! I felt guilty. I somehow felt like it was my fault that the first doctor did not do what she asked since I was the once who found him. I also felt guilty at her paying for the doctor twice. WHY????? Then, I sat down and thought: this is not my fault. She asked me for help, I did. I could not predict what the doctor would do. I was glad to help her, I did, the rest is not my problem.

See how it works?

Now, it can get a little more complicated. Anytime I have to ask something for myself it gets a bit more complicated. Especially in the context of a stepfamily. I am so scared to come off as the evil stepmother that I will do and accept things that don’t make me happy. Even worse, I sometimes accept things that I feel are downright disrespectful. But the guilt and the fear just prevent me from asking for what is right for me. Now I know I am not an evil stepmother. I know that I think of others. I know that I am not a self-centered person who only thinks of herself. I know that I think of my stepson’s best interests as well as my man’s and my daughter’s. But way too often, I don’t think of MY best interest. This needs work, big time.

A good friend of mine told me yesterday that guilt is for when you’ve committed a crime. I say when you are not deliberately hurting somebody, you should not feel any guilt or fear for respecting yourself.