Well it seems that after all this effort, everything is coming to an end. My adventures as a stepfamily are over. I need to get out to save myself. I really don’t know how people do it. First getting accustomed to another child that is not yours, then try to help your man get accustumed to yours and finally dealing with a toxic ex-wife who thinks only of herself and nobody else. I just don’ t know who has the strength to go through it all.

I’ve always been a romantic dreamer. I really thought that love could conquer all… but it seems it’s the other way around. It seems love is not that strong after all. Toxic people are stronger. The amount of frustrations and what it has brought out of me is awful. It has made me depressed, angry, resentful and frankly, just someone I don’t want to be. The strong love I had for my man is fading with every dissapointment, argument and struggle. Going through this has not made us stronger, it is tearing us apart.

I fell awful for this man I love and even for his child who I have grown to love and appreciate as well. They will be stuck with Toxic Bio Mom forever. It is awful to see how she treats both of them. How they fear her. I she causes such pain around her. I don’t know if she notices. But I am one less person she will be hurting. Same thing for my daughter. Without being as hurt as I am by Toxic Bio Mom, she is hurt by what it causes. She will be hurt at losing a family she so desperately craved but a family that is impossible to have with Toxic Bio Mom around. She will not let my man go on with his life. No woman is going to put up with this. She made him miserable as his wife and will continue forever.

What is sad is what she makes her son go through. With her, everything is a struggle. The haircut her son asked his dad and me for, she ruined last week. That placed her son smack into a loyalty conflict. He was the one who wanted his hair that way. He hates the haircuts she gives him. But he loves his mom and probably isn’t able to say anything. So instead he gives in. The poor child has one heck of  a life ahead of him. I pity his poor girlfriend and even his children! What an awful grandmother she will be.

Now, you may be thinking that a haircut is not such a big deal. It isn’t. Taken separately, everything can be dealt with. But I have seen her lie, yell, manipulate both her son and my man. They have both learned that there is nothing to do but listen and follow along. My man will be living in this big house by himself. He will go back to a life dictated by her. He will go back to going out with friends when she allows him to and has nothing else in mind for him. He will most probably go back to spending all holidays the way she wants if he wants to see his son. He will go back to taking out the checkbook every time she needs. He is better at not letting all this stuff get to him. He is used to this life. He just basically does what he is told so that she leaves him alone to live whatever kind of life is left.

This is not the life I want. I want a family. I don’t care if it’s a different type of family. I don’t have grand illusions of the typical nuclear family anymore. But with Toxic Bio Mom, it’s just impossible. I feel guilty at letting my man and his son to fend for themselves with this vulture of a person. But if I don’t get out now, I’ll die…  litterally.