Archive for February 3rd, 2010

I am reading this book Having kids or not? (the book is in French) and I find it very interesting. It talks about all the issues to look at when deciding to have a child or not and what motivates people to choose one way or the other. I have a child already and I also have a stepchild. I always figured that when I met someone, we would have a child of our own. I wanted my daugther to grow up with sibblings. My boyfriend does not want children. Some of his reasons are legitimate, others I disagree with. But nevertheless, if he is not on board, I won’t have a child. There is not way I will have a child with someone who doesn’t want one. I made that mistake once and it has impacted my daughter very much.

What fascinates me is that the argument that comes up the most for not having kids is because of money. We want to be able to give everything to that one child that we have. But is that really a reason not to have children? Protecting your child from ever feeling like you love another child, that he or she needs to share your attention? Being able to afford trips at Disneyland at 3 and any activities that child wants? I have a problem with that… Here is an excerpt from the book that I strongly agree with. The parents who spoke these words have 10 children. Yes, I said 10. I don’t think I could have 10 children but, they didn’t stop to think about money or being able to offer their one kid the best life possible. They offered a family.I have translated it myself…

We discovered the joy of having children; it is a joy that is very simple, said Hélène. When you have your first or second child, because you are unexperienced, you don’t actually experience this pleasure. You are contronted with stress and simply went through this chore. As if young children are a chore! Some couples want their kids to be close in age so that they can get over it faster. This “chore” does not last very long. The joy of having children, is having children! Not to have adults as fast as possible! It’s a continual discovery. A large family is a school of life, a school of character: it develops sharing. Often we are 13 in a house that traditional families share with just 4. There are things that can’t be explained, things you just can’t justify. I’m not saying the raise themselves, but our children think of others every single day. We find that in general, today, children are very blasé. When you have done everything at 10 years old, there is no more magic. The enchantment dissapears. Children always want more.

For us, family is not just a question of food. There is the spiritual aspect, values to be taught, education to be dispensed. The problem is not if you can afford children, it’s to measure the impact of desires, of being able to distinguish between real needs and wants. Between what you really want and what is futile. When you don’t have a lot of money, you take a close look at these things: that’s healthy! It puts things in perspective. When you have only one child, these questions just don’t exist.