I was having coffee with friends yesterday and we were wondering just when we act selfishly and when we respect ourselves. With the holidays coming up, all three of us are stuck with too many people to see and not enough time to see them all.

Saying no to your in-laws for a Christmas supper will automatically be seen as selfish.  But saying no to your own parents will have the same effect. So what is the right decision? If the person decides to spend the holidays with her boyfriend, is this person selfish? Just when are we selfish?

It seems that people automatically label you selfish when you don’t do what they want or expect you to do. Saying no is a tough thing for me. I’m always afraid that the person will be hurt. I end up doing a lot of stuff I don’t want to do just because I don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings. But am I respecting myself when I do that? I’m not putting myself first in many situations. This has caused a lot of frustration. I wait and hope that people will realise that I don’t want or feel comfortable doing something and will tell me it’s ok not to do it. I think this is one of my biggest problems and what is creating the most stress in my life. Trying to please everybody.

The problem is, once I start voicing what I want, won’t I be selfish. Isn’t it unselfish to do things for other people? And just when does doing things for other people become abuse? When is it too much of them to ask?

So many questions this morning, I think I’ll return to my coffee and ponder on this one a little while longer. If I figure out a way to refuse a request and not feel selfish, I’ll come back and tell