I’m not quite sure if the name of this blog is meant to be sarcastic or optimistic. My life is pretty much a mess. I have to fill in so many shoes that I can barely walk. I have recently been diagnosed with depression and I am trying to figure out what that means exactly. I’ve been reading books and surfing the web and there is so much information out there that it is very difficult to figure out what it means to have depression. It is considered an illness but feels more like a failure of character.

The most difficult part so far is dealing with other people’s impression of me. Many see me as this lazy person who sleeps all day and just doesn’t have the backbone to just get up and go to work. I have been home for the last month and they are right, sleeping has been my main activity. What they don’t get is that I don’t like being this way. I don’t see how anybody would. I think everybody wants to feel useful and how can someone feels useful when they spend their days sleeping and crying.

The problem with all of this, is that I don’t feel the support and I need it to get out this. This is my support. I’ve decided to share my thoughts and hope that someone out there will hear me and that through sharing I will feel better. I need to do something. I need to figure out my life, so that this state I am in will not become part of who I am indefinetely. I need to learn to manage my emotions, express myself properly and think of myself, not just others.

I don’t how I’ll do all this. It is still not clear in my mind. But writing is helping already.